You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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