your room smells of hookers.
And success
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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