no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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