What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
