He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
