dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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