I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Randomize
