I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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