if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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