I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
