God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
