I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
