Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Its about making memories worth repressing
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
