I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
