im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
