her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
