You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
