good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
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