Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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