First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
