I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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