omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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