Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
