you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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