please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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