my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
