Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
