Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
