I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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