I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
