You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Randomize
