my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
