I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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