I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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