cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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