We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
