2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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