First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
