The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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