Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
