I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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