I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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