Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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