Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
