So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
