You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
