I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
