i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
