I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
We're too hungover to prance.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
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