i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I just googled if crying burns calories
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
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