Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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