nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
