And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
